All-American Rejects

All-American Rejects
Whether it's a dating mishap or just being left out of an e-mail chain, why it's so hard to brush off even the slightest slight.
By Sarah Kliff Newsweek Web Exclusive
Feb 13, 2009
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Why do we care whether he's into us even when we're not into him? And why do we get so upset if we're not included in a group lunch, even when we know it's probably just an oversight(falha,deixar de notar)? And what about those people who hate the whole idea of Valentine's Day, yet still feel bad if they aren't asked out at all? Turns out, there are good evolutionary reasons for our inability to brush off(rejeitar) even the slightest slight(desrespeito). To survive, it was better for our ancestors be part of a group than left out in the cold to forage(ser alimento) on their own.
But in a modern world, our hypersensitivity to rejection can have surprisingly destructive consequences. When we're socially or romantically excluded, even in seemingly insignificant ways, it can lead to a host of negative psychological and physical side effects. In one study, psychologists Roy Baumeister at Florida State University and Jean Twenge at San Diego State University gave a group of college students 15 minutes to socialize. Afterward, participants were asked, individually, who else they would like to work with on a future project. Those answers were never used; participants were instead randomly assigned to be "accepted" or "rejected" by the group. The accepted participants were told that they're the most desirable of the group, where the rejected participants are informed that, unfortunately, the group just isn't that into them. The "rejected" participants knew, at least rationally, that this didn't really matter; it was a 15-minute experiment in a laboratory that had no bearing on their future. But those who were rejected by their peers were significantly more aggressive toward an innocent target in follow-up exercises.
The socially excluded students also lost a fair amount of self-restraint(auto controle) after being rejected. In a follow-up experiment, participants were given the news of their rejection with a big plate of chocolate-chip cookies on the table. And if you've ever been home alone with a broken heart and a pint of mint-chocolate-chip ice cream, you can probably guess how that ended. The most memorable participant, says Twenge, was a young man who was assigned to the "rejected" category. "He kept saying, 'I'm eating all these cookies and don't know why'," she says. "The 'why' is that social rejection. It causes you to lose self-control."
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