Death Of A Cult Beverage

Death Of A Cult Beverage
Farewell to Sparks, the alcoholic energy drink that prompted 20-somethings to wonder, 'How drunk am I?'
Kurt Soller Newsweek Web Exclusive Jan02,2009
Like many of you, I lost a lot in 2008. But this week, things got worse. On Thursday (right before the weekend!), I found out that I'd soon be losing a core member of my social group: the life of the party, the cheap date, the friend that was never more than a convenience store away. I'm serious: alcohol giant MillerCoors announced they'd be getting rid of their alcopop beverage Sparks. If you're over 30, this may mean nothing to you. But for cash-strapped 20-somethings around the country, this is another reason, besides the unemployment rate, we'll be staying home on weekends.
.If you're not familiar with Sparks, you might think that mixing an energy beverage and malt liquor in one can is a little bit like buying premade s'mores or those jars that come with the peanut butter and jelly already swirled together. (And if you haven't thought of mixing caffeine and alcohol in the first place, then you really are over 30.) But Sparks has a taste all its own—more like frothy Tang than beer and Red Bull combined.
Its appeal? When I don't sleep well on Thursday, it helps me muster up the energy to celebrate on Friday night. When I want to head home from a birthday party at midnight, it reminds me that, not so long ago, I was in college. It's a completely legal and safe way (in moderation, of course) of enjoying a night out with too many friends and too many drinks without feeling woozy, belligerent or what can be only be referred to as "out of it."
It's a sign of the times that I didn't read about this disaster in the newspaper, I read about it on Facebook... Scientists have also argued that mixing a downer (alcohol) with an upper (caffeine) can send your heart rate on a rollercoaster ride (all while your mind rattles with the question "How drunk am I?"). And research conducted at Wake Forest University found that students who mixed both ingredients—as in, vodka and Red Bull—were more injury-prone than those who stuck to straight alcohol.
As an adult of consenting age, I say the kids are ruining all the fun. And while I recognize that underage drinking is a serious problem, Sparks clearly noted its alcoholic content (6 percent alcohol by volume) on its wonderfully metallic cans. In the end, authorities won out and MillerCoors chose to "reformulate" the beverage (removing the uppers) in an agreement reached on Thursday. In short, I'll lose my stimulant-filled Saturday evenings, and the corporation will pay $550,000 to the 13 states that challenged it, as well as the city of San Francisco.
So goodbye, Sparks. I'll miss side effects like orange tongue (which, I admit, was a low point) and I'll miss introducing you to people who aren't yet familiar with you, only to have them argue that you taste gross and made me look homeless. I'll miss staying up late and not needing naps. And I'll miss the convenience of buying just one beverage—sans mixers—at the convenience store. When it comes down to it, I'm sure that I have other options. I could hark back a few years, when Red Bull and vodka was all the rage. I'm less interested, though, because the reason I like you, Sparks, is that you're not hard liquor; you're hard beer. I guess this is the end. Goodbye, fun, and goodbye, laughter.
We have until Jan. 10 before the good old caffeinated Sparks disappears entirely from the shelves. So if you haven't tasted its succulent sweetness, or you've always wondered what you'd look like with orange teeth, go stock up. Though if you live in New York, you'll have to beat me there. Because just the thought of a weekend without Sparks puts me to sleep.

URL: http://www.newsweek.com/id/176148 © 2008
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